I knew A LOT about marriage and motherhood.
And then I got married and became a mother and learned that I don't know much.
I've been working on a major project: Organize Everything!
I may or may not have jumped into a disaster. You see, I've pulled out all the files from the filing cabinet, every box of papers, folders, notebooks, file boxes, and every pile of things in the house (including in drawers, closets, ...you get the idea). Some things are recent, and others have been hidden on purpose since we got got engaged almost a decade ago when I had to quickly move out of my college apartment and in with my parents to save money for a couple months, and then there are the boxes of things my mom found in the back of her closet that are "mine". I think she saved every picture I ever drew. You see, when I say EVERYTHING, I'm really meaning everything. Oh yeah, and I also have lots of printed photos from back in the day before digital cameras. I took all these things into one room, (it use to be where my son read books and played with legos...those activities have migrated temporarily to a different area of the house), and I've banished anyone from that room until my project of overcoming my unorganizedness is conquered. You see, I use to be quite unorganized. I married an organized man. I've been learning from him. I'm glad. But now those piles are DRIVING ME CRAZY and I want to get it ALL done. Thrown away, or put somewhere useful. I'm sick of the hidden but not forgotten boxes. I'm tired of moving them each time we've moved (though we're probably in this home for a while since we bought it). I'm wanting to DE-CLUTTER, SIMPLIFY, ORGANIZE. You get the idea. So, what does this have to do with what I use to know? It seems totally unrelated doesn't it. But it's not. You see, before getting married, and before having kids, and while I was in school getting my awesome possum degree, I kept a lot of things that would help me be the-most-awesome-rockin-mother-EVER!!! And when I was in school getting my degree I learned tons of great stuff. And then I worked for a university teaching people how to teach kids and coming up with lessons for preschoolers.... I have a lot of stuff and learned a lot and I have PAPERS to prove it. As I've been going through things I've been reminded of all I use to know. If only I could remember all of it each day. If I did, I'm sure I'd never become impatient with my kids because I'd understand exactly what stage of development they're in and about how long it lasts, how to communicate with them without conflict, how to teach self sufficiency with a perfect balance of obedience, and I'd have creatively fun ideas galore coming out my ears for every minute of the day and would never hear my son say "I'm bored!". But I guess it doesn't work that way. Everything I learned didn't stick. I'm human. I get tired. I forget. I try to remember. And experience is a completely different kind of knowledge than the knowledge from notes I wrote during lectures in college.
So, I think I'll be okay with not "knowing" as much as I use to. I'm having the chance to experience what I didn't have before but dreamed about. And experience is better. Experience gives hugs, kisses, and a homemade cardboard-box-fishtank gift for Mother's Day. It doesn't get better than this!
Experience is a knowledge of the heart.
