My own thoughts will be rambled here...and maybe for no one to ever read. But I'm still going to write them.
I had a dream last night right before I woke up...the kind that got my emotions all tangled up. It was a nightmare of sorts. My whole body felt heavy, I had a pit of dread in my stomach. It all seemed so real. Then I woke up and realized it was only a dream and was so thankful for my life. Lately I've been having a hard time feeling excited to be a mother e.v.e.r.y d.a.y. The monotony of it all has been wearing me down. (Probably doesn't help that both my kids have been quite sick and not sleeping well which equals extra crankiness on their part and me wishing I had extra patience and strength to match what they're needing.)
So, you're asking, what was this dream? It was that I was back at my college job. The job I had before my wonderful job at the college working with preschool. I was working at a grocery store again. I had to wear the classy cashier apron with the store name on it, memorize all the produce codes, be the fastest cashier, stand on my feet all day in a 1 1/2 ft. square area smiling at everyone even if they were using foul and obscene language to complain about everything on the planet. Once again I was having to sell alcohol and tobacco to pregnant women and dreading it wishing I didn't have to. I had to wait a few hours for my 15 minute break so I could sit and drink some water and then make it through the next few hours until my next break. And I had to do it day.after.day. Ugh! In college it was a good job. Paid the bills, worked with my school schedule each semester, I made some great friends that will be forever friends, my employer was really quite nice, and I learned new things that I'll never forget (f.y.i. the code for bananas is 4011), but it was VERY HARD WORK.
Then I woke up and felt so excited for the day. If a bad dream can be a tender mercy, this one was! I felt so energized and ready for whatever the day brought. It might be hard, but at least I could get a drink of water for myself when I was thirsty (even if holding a crying child at the same time). I can sit on the floor, or even lay next to my sick kid on his bed and read a book. I get to do things that really and eternally matter. They may be monotonous, they may stretch my inner strength and character, they are overwhelming at times, and I feel inadequate more often than not, but this dream job is quite POSH.
I don't have to wear a uniform. T-shirt and jeans-- thank you very much!
I can snack on the hidden Starburst stash in the top cupboard whenever I need a little sunshine.
I can take a bathroom break almost whenever I want to (and sometimes that's my code for giving myself a time out to cool myself down and not blow a fuse...I think the kids are catching on).
I get to hug my kids and check their temperatures, and make sure that these little precious eternal beings I'm entrusted with know they're loved and cherished.
I get to read books with them, teach them scripture stories, hear their first words, and watch their imaginations take over our home.
I GET TO be HERE!!!! I experience it all with them.
This is a pretty awesome job..... My REAL dream job called MOTHERHOOD.
